Intimacy is one of those things that most couples want more of, but few couples actively work to improve. It’s easy to fall into patterns where intimacy takes a backseat to work stress, parenting responsibilities, household management, and the general exhaustion of modern life. Before you know it, you’re living parallel lives — roommates who happen to share a bed, rather than partners who feel genuinely connected.
The good news is that improving intimacy doesn’t require dramatic life changes or hours of daily effort. Small, intentional shifts in how you interact with your partner can create significant improvements in how close and connected you feel. These aren’t grand romantic gestures or complicated relationship exercises. They’re practical, easy-to-implement habits that fit into real life — even when that life is busy, stressful, and full of competing demands.
Here are five tricks that couples can start using right away to build more intimacy in their relationship.
1. Create a Daily Check-In Ritual That Actually Happens
Most couples say they want to talk more and connect better, but “talk more” is vague and easy to skip when you’re tired or busy. A daily check-in ritual solves this by making connection a specific, scheduled part of your day rather than something that happens only when everything else is done.
The key is making your check-in short enough that it actually happens, but meaningful enough that it creates real connection. Aim for 10 to 15 minutes of uninterrupted conversation where you’re both present and engaged — not scrolling your phones, not folding laundry, not half-watching TV.
Here’s what this might look like in practice:
Every evening after the kids go to bed, you and your partner sit together on the couch with cups of tea and spend 15 minutes talking about your days. Not just logistics (who’s picking up groceries, when is the dentist appointment) but actual experiences and feelings. What was frustrating today? What was satisfying? What’s on your mind?
Or maybe your check-in happens during morning coffee before the day gets chaotic. You sit together for 10 minutes and each share one thing you’re looking forward to and one thing you’re dreading about the day ahead. This creates a sense of being on the same team facing the day together, rather than two individuals who happen to live in the same house.
The specific timing and format matter less than the consistency. Pick a time that works with your schedules and stick to it. When you know you have this dedicated connection time built into your day, you’re less likely to feel disconnected even when life gets overwhelming.
2. Bring Back Physical Touch That Isn’t Sexual
Physical intimacy and sexual intimacy are related but they’re not the same thing. Many couples fall into a pattern where they only touch each other in explicitly sexual contexts, or when one partner is initiating sex. This creates a dynamic where any physical affection feels loaded — like it’s always a precursor to something else rather than just connection for its own sake.
Non-sexual physical touch is powerful for building intimacy because it creates closeness and comfort without pressure or expectation. It’s physical connection that says “I like being near you” rather than “I want something from you.”
Simple ways to incorporate more non-sexual touch:
- Hold hands when you’re watching TV together or taking a walk.
- Give your partner a genuine hug (not a quick side-squeeze) when you get home from work.
- Sit close enough on the couch that you’re touching.
- Rest your hand on their shoulder or back when you’re standing next to them.
- Give a brief shoulder rub when you walk past them in the kitchen.
- Put your leg on top of their leg when you sit next to each other.
These small touches add up. They keep you physically connected throughout the day and they reinforce the sense that you’re partners who enjoy each other’s presence. They also make sexual intimacy feel like a natural extension of your physical connection rather than something that only happens in isolated moments.
For couples who’ve gotten out of the habit of casual physical touch, it can feel awkward at first. That’s normal. Start small and be intentional about it. Over time, it becomes natural again.
3. Share Something You’re Learning or Interested In
One of the ways couples lose intimacy over time is by stopping the practice of genuinely sharing themselves with each other. Early in relationships, you tell each other everything — what you’re thinking about, what you’re excited about, what you’re learning. But as relationships become more established, conversations often narrow to logistics and problem-solving. You stop sharing the internal experience of your life because it seems less urgent than coordinating schedules and managing responsibilities.
Deliberately sharing something you’re learning or interested in brings back that sense of knowing each other as whole, interesting people rather than just co-managers of a household. It creates conversation that goes beyond daily logistics and reminds you why you liked talking to this person in the first place.
This could look like: Your partner is reading a book about the history of urban planning and they spend 10 minutes telling you about how highway construction destroyed Black neighborhoods in American cities in the 1950s and 60s. You don’t need to become an expert on urban planning — you’re just listening to them share something they find interesting, and learning a little about how their mind works.
Or maybe you’ve been watching YouTube videos about how sourdough fermentation works, and you explain to your partner why the wild yeast strains matter and what you’re learning about proofing times. Again, they don’t need to start baking sourdough. They’re just getting a window into something you’re genuinely curious about.
This works particularly well when you make it reciprocal. Set aside time once a week where you each share something interesting you learned, read, or thought about. It doesn’t have to be profound — just genuine. The act of sharing and listening creates intimacy because you’re giving each other access to your internal world, not just your daily to-do list.
4. Plan Something to Look Forward to Together
Anticipation creates connection. When you and your partner have something on the calendar that you’re both excited about, it gives you a shared future focus and something to talk about as you plan and prepare. It also signals to both of you that your relationship is a priority — important enough to protect time for.
The trick is making sure you actually schedule it and don’t just talk vaguely about “doing something soon.” Vague intentions don’t create anticipation. Specific plans with dates on the calendar do.
This doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It could be as simple as: Reserving a table at a restaurant you’ve both been wanting to try three weeks from now. Buying tickets to a comedy show next month. Planning a weekend trip to a town two hours away where you’ll stay in a bed and breakfast, walk around, and eat good food. Scheduling a couples’ cooking class where you’ll learn to make pasta together.
The activity itself matters less than the fact that you’re prioritizing time together and creating something to look forward to. Having it on the calendar means it’s more likely to actually happen, and the anticipation in the weeks leading up to it creates ongoing connection as you discuss plans, get excited, and build positive associations with spending focused time together.
For couples with kids, this often means scheduling date nights in advance and arranging childcare ahead of time — not waiting until you’re both exhausted on a Friday night and trying to figure out if you have energy to go out. When you know you have date night scheduled for two weeks from Saturday and you’ve already arranged for the kids to sleep at grandma’s house, you can look forward to it and plan for it rather than hoping it somehow happens spontaneously.
5. Practice Appreciation Out Loud
It’s easy to take your partner for granted, not because you don’t appreciate them, but because expressing appreciation feels awkward or unnecessary when you’re together all the time. You assume they know you appreciate them. But assumption isn’t the same as actually saying it, and hearing appreciation out loud creates intimacy in a way that silently appreciating someone doesn’t.
Practicing appreciation out loud means regularly telling your partner specific things you notice and value about them or things they do. Not just “I love you” (though that’s good too) but specific observations that show you’re paying attention.
This might sound like:
- “I really appreciate how patient you were with the kids tonight when they were melting down about bedtime. I know you were tired and they were being difficult, but you stayed calm and worked through it with them.”
- “Thank you for picking up those groceries yesterday without me asking. I know you saw we were running low on milk and bread and you just handled it. That made this morning so much easier.”
- “I was thinking today about how you always ask about my mom when we talk. You remember what’s going on with her health stuff and you check in about it. That means a lot to me.”
These specific appreciations do several things. They show your partner that you notice their efforts. They reinforce positive behaviors (people tend to do more of what gets acknowledged). And they create a positive emotional tone in the relationship where both people feel seen and valued rather than criticized or taken for granted.
Try building a habit of expressing one specific appreciation per day. It can feel forced at first if you’re not used to it, but most couples find that once they start looking for things to appreciate, they see more of them. Appreciation becomes a lens that changes how you perceive your partner’s actions and creates more positive interactions overall.
Small Changes, Meaningful Results
None of these tricks require major lifestyle changes or relationship overhauls. They’re small, intentional practices that fit into real life. But consistently applied, they can significantly shift how connected and intimate you feel with your partner.
The key is actually implementing them, not just reading about them and thinking “that’s a good idea.” Pick one or two that resonate with you and commit to trying them for a month. See what changes in how you feel about your relationship and how connected you feel to your partner.
If you’re finding that these small changes aren’t enough — if you’re struggling with deeper intimacy issues, unresolved conflicts, or patterns that feel stuck — couples therapy can help. At Long Island Counseling Services, our therapists work with couples to identify what’s getting in the way of connection and develop practical strategies to rebuild intimacy and strengthen your relationship.
Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a more connected, intimate relationship in 2026.