When two partners decide to see a couples counselor, they are doing so because they want to improve – or save – their existing relationship. They are looking for help from a professional to grow and support as a couple.
That is what our couples counselors do.
For couples on the verge of divorce, there is no better option than couples counseling. It is extensively researched, fair, and a great way to work through challenges and improve your partnership.
Still, it is important to acknowledge that “Divorce” is not a four letter word. There are situations where not only is divorce possible – it may be the best outcome for *both* partners, and while the goal should be to stay together, it’s also important to understand that every relationship is made up of two unique individuals – for better or worse.
Why We Choose Our Partners and Mates
In addition to couples counseling, many of our therapist also provide “singles counseling” – therapy that is aimed at single and dating adults designed to help them:
- Find partners they’re truly compatible with.
- Address past traumas and relationship patterns.
- Create and build healthy attachments, and more.
Many people find that they are struggling with being single because they haven’t learned to love themselves, are attracted to the wrong people, get too attached or not attached enough, and many other factors that affect relationship choice, mate selection, developing healthy patterns, and so much more.
It’s important to then understand that many people do *not* receive this type of help when they’re single, no matter how much they’re struggling. Relationship related therapy is more common for those in marriages, with couples counselors.
So what happens when a person that has experienced a lot of relationship trauma, struggles with attachment issues, or is attracted to the “wrong” partners finds someone and gets married?
Some people do find themselves married to the “wrong person.” As a society, we often pretend that is not the case and talk about marriage like it is a sign that the relationship was meant to work, but there are many people that do marry partners that they were simply not truly compatible with.
Divorce can take a severe emotionally, legal, and financial toll on a couple. If there is a way to heal and a way to work things out, that is what the priority should be. Even “incompatible” partners can learn to be compatible, and make an effort to build a new foundation that allows them to stay together successfully.
But, if that turns out to not be the case for a couple – if a couple’s relationship does not have the foundation that is needed, and the two partners were not meant to be – divorce is not a four letter word. It may be an unwanted step, and a step we try to avoid, but in situations where both partners do agree that their relationship is not what was meant to be, divorce can be an option without it being a failure.
Two People, Two Needs, One Relationship to Work Through
Every relationship is made up of two distinct people with distinct needs. Each person brings with them not only their own strengths, but also their own past – the traumas and psychological upbringing that has made them who they are today.
If two people seek couples counseling, the assumption is that they are looking to mend or grow a relationship. That will be the priority of your couples counselor, who will make every effort to help you achieve your relationship goals.
Still, the process of couples counseling is also about learning as much as you can about yourself, and to open yourself up to learning more about who you really are, what you really want, and how you can get there. There may be a situation in which you cannot get there with your current partner. If that happens, do not see it as a failure. It is simply you both moving on to the next step in your life.